I feel so damn weird.. It`s like. some times i am so happy. Next moment, it`s like a totally different gerald. I am like screaming my head off at you and kicking stuff.

Yeah. Examples like me arguing with someone a few days ago over something pretty minor if you think about it, and just screaming at my friend who knocked into me for fun, and the door i broke to top it off.

Thinking about it from my present position in time, all this are stuff i really could have avoided if i had a tack bit more self control, or if i gave in to the other person in the case of arguing, i feel like a am not the person people see me to be. I feel super over-rated whether it`s by teachers or friends. It`s not that they see me as like "wow gerald!" but it`s like even though i encourage my friends not to blow up for some minor thing or anything that does not really have any harm to you if you don`t fight back, i still blow up and it`s even worse than most of them.

Like Ewen told me after i broke that door, "what did you learn in church?" yeah. sometimes even though i act all holy and whatever. maybe i am a hypocrite by subconscious. Maybe i try too hard to impress. Maybe i am not deserving of the committee post. Maybe i am not focusing on the right thing. Maybe i should start reflecting on what i did. Maybe i should not always take the leadership role. Maybe i am not in church for the reason i think i am in there for. So many thoughts from a single emotion, sometimes i wonder, if anger is that bad, why did God give it to us. Would anger ever help us?? Argh.. i cant really be bother anymore. I don`t feel like the person i was a year ago or maybe 2. i cant be bothered to type anymore so yeah. For once on my blog i request that anyone with advice. please tell me yeah? thanks